Like any human being, regardless of age, so is a teenager, to gain self-esteem, self-esteem and self-confidence, he needs to feel that his surroundings and family show due regard and respect for opinions, in his choices and behavior, especially before serious problems arise. In case they do not experience this respect and acceptance from their immediate environment, A common outcome is the search for friends with similar experiences of personal rejection and inner loneliness. The next step is often to seek respect, acceptance and admiration through various antisocial behaviors with the known outcome κατά
Most people would agree that parents should be open and emotionally warm with their child., seek a two-way communication and do not judge it systematically and recklessly for the slightest, obstructing or blocking such communication. It happens, Nevertheless, something like that in fact;
What many teen parents often do, showing various mainly social problems, είναι να επικεντρώνονται στις προβληματικές συμπεριφορές του παιδιού τους στο σπίτι παρά σε αυτά που κάνει εκτός σπιτιού, something about which they often do not have sufficient knowledge. This is not due, of course, parents' indifference to their child but is an indication of a lack of communication and a relationship of trust between the adolescent and his parents. When, after all, the latter learn about their child's problems outside the home, they usually react emotionally and impulsively, expressing a very strong concern, showing that they do not trust their child, blaming it, often withdrawing any expression of love and tender feelings towards it, having intense outbursts of rage or imposing very strict "retaliation", often disproportionate to the circumstance and without due consistency and stability. All this is a very effective way to make the child not want to talk to us again about himself and his problems..
Something else that, also, occurs in similar cases of children in adolescence is the incrimination by their parents. This is usually done through a prolonged silence of the parents about what the child revealed / trusted., through derogatory comments and sarcasm or by avoiding their child and maintaining a cold and rejecting attitude towards him.
Puberty : Problems and treatment
It is natural and understandable for parents to react impulsively and emotionally, at least initially, when they find a serious problem in their child. The "paradox" is, Nevertheless, how often many parents, instead of reinforcing their child's boundaries and control, they almost systematically avoid doing so. One of the reasons this happens is the parents' fear of the child's strong reactions, their mental fatigue and the feeling of helplessness that often overwhelms them. Parents react to their adolescent children like humans, generally, towards others. We are, that is,, more approachable with people who are more open and emotionally warm, from,what when the opposite happens. So, Well, parents, who experience their children as warm and open people, they can more easily set boundaries, απ΄ό,what when they experience them as closed, cold and distant people.
Another reason that parents avoid exercising their parental role more actively, when their child has a problem, can be the following: because they can not withstand the mental strain created by them because of the test that their principles and values of life are subjected to, adopt a more tolerant attitude towards their child's problem, rationalizing it. For example, if their child becomes addicted to alcohol, may adopt an attitude of the type “More or less, all children of this age drink nowadays "etc., and in this way to more easily tolerate the problem they face and their helplessness, αλλά και τιθασεύουν, somehow, their fears and worries.
Which are, Nevertheless, οι συνέπειες των αντιδράσεων και της στάσης των γονιών που περιγράψαμε; They reduce or enlarge the child's problems; Various researches show that, with the above ways of dealing, children's problems remain as they are or even increase. Hence, a vicious circle is created that is difficult to break.
Puberty : Problems and treatment
What conclusions can we draw?, Well, based on the above findings, in terms of preventing and more effectively addressing the various social problems of adolescents; From the moment the teenager's problems seem to increase from the negative reactions of the parents, any preventive interventions should include parental support - to avoid sarcastic reactions, depreciation, anger, guilt and emotional isolation of their child- as well as creating an open and good communication with him. Most research shows that the chances of significantly reducing similar problems in adolescence are high, when parents try to understand with a constant, decisively and calmly what he thinks, feels and desires their child.
In the event that as a parent you have a problem with your child that worries you, try the following:
– Μιλήστε μαζί του άμεσα, do not waste valuable time.
– Προσπαθήστε να καταλάβετε τους πιθανούς λόγους που οδήγησαν το παιδί στην κατάσταση που βρίσκεται. Try to see things from the child's point of view.
– Μιλήστε διεξοδικά μαζί του με τρόπο που δεν θα προκαλέσει νέες εντάσεις.
– Εκφράστε ανοιχτά και με σαφήνεια το πώς βλέπετε τα πράγματα, but show that you are open to any kind of discussion and opinion. Avoid conflicts.
The most important thing is to try to see things from the child's point of view. If the child feels that his parents are sincerely trying to understand the way he thinks, feels and sees things, then the conditions for a sincere and meaningful communication really unfold. Such an outcome will give the child the opportunity to address us, if and when it encounters a problem that it cannot manage on its own. If that happens, then we are done, as parents, access and template for our child.
Stockholm University Clinical Psychologist
Royal Karolinska Institute of Medicine in Stockholm